some remarks

My photo
Ankara, Turkey
I'm just a sociologist astonished by the marvelous sense of humor of the universe! So, why not be a bad hat?

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Catchy remark III

My brother has just introduced to me this brand new band, World Unite! Lucifer Youth Foundation. And, of course, he called them "another hipster shit". But, somehow, he liked them. These boys, from Manchester, are really mysterious. I couldn't find so much about them. It is said everywhere so that no body has any details about the band. Only the names of the members, I can find. As claimed in Wikipedia, they keep themselves away from the mainstream media, and refuse to give any interviews.

Btw, is it only us (me and my brother), or does the vocalist have a really... let me say, 'unusual' British accent? Even the usual one sounds to me unusual though d: Still, not a single word I could have detected from the song if the lyrics had not appeared on the video.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

... because only God could have the best sense of humor

I can't remember where I found this from. But definitely not mine.

There is a man who is tweeting with the name of allahcc in Twitter. No, he doesn't have that complex or an issue like multiple personality disorder. He just make fun of the relationship between the God and His followers. That's the wit indeed: "being a follower". As elsewhere I also mentioned, he would be the best example for "what if God was one of us" - and had a twitter account. I think that's where the sense of humor comes from: to be able to imagine such "what if"s. Of course so many people take this dare of him as an insult to their belief and religion so that he could be killed if his real ID was exposed. But isn't that an insolent act enough to judge him by saying "how dare you and make fun of Allah". I mean, who the hell you are and dare to speak in the name of Allah? Even as an atheist I can think that it would be more ill-mannered act (speaking in the frame of Islam) to conceive God as if He is like a human-being with a fragile ego and without a sense of humor. Why and how would he take offense at such a way of humorous illustration where actually no one is a target of an assault.

I don't get why people get pissed off so much if someone teases with something related to their belief system, but, on the other hand, they laugh out loud if it is not about their religion or God. I mean, if you feel so offended in the first case, then you must be so much sensitive with other religions or atheists as well. When it comes to humor, nothing is untouchable and shouldn't be so either. I'm not saying that an assault and insult under the name of humor should be tolerated, and I believe, that shouldn't be called humor as well. To be specific, for example, after calling a Muslim 'terrorist', no one could get away form that by claiming that s/he was joking.

Thus, today, I posted some jokes about three monotheistic religion and atheism. Just try to imagine that "what if" part of the situation, then I'm sure you'll laugh. I'm sure God would also laugh :o) We are His children full of His humor after all.

by Yiğit Özgür

The first balloon: (the priest singing the beginning of the Muslim call for prayer)
The second balloon: "man, how has this caught me..."

This will definitely be my end if there is a heaven.

Now, that's the difficult one. It doesn't matter whether one is a Muslim or not, there are such relgious idioms used by everyone in Turkish language. This says "The secret of Turkish way of success" Before starting, it's said "inshallah"; while starting, "bismillah"; if surprised, "Allah Allah"; if confident enough, "evelallah"; if go-getter enough, "alimallah"; if tolerating, "eyvallah"; if stubborn enough, "ya Allah"; if guaranteeing something, "vallah billah"; if teased, or annoyed, "fesubhanallah"; if really pissed off, "hasbünallah";  if sick and tired of something, "illallah"; if starting the work with a great enthusiasm, "Allah Allah Allah"; if succeeding, "mashallah"; if not "hay Allah"; if being asked to try again "mazallah" (the latter means, no way). 

1. "Blind! Blasphemer! Profaned! Pander! Idiot! Bloody communist!"
2. "For God's sake! Don't you have any respect to religion?!"

That's what's happening now in Turkey. No body talks about the discriminative and assaulting attitudes against the atheists in this country. Even in the webpage of Diyanet (Religious Affairs), atheism is described as being against religion. I just don't believe in God(s) and religion(s). How could I be against those I don't believe in :P Ok, but seriously, being a non-believer does not mean being against the believers. I mean, one could be against them (I don't know how), but this does not make all atheist enemy of the religions. I mean, at least this is what my family has thought me. I have never been so arrogant and called those people believing in God "nuts", "schizophrenic", or "irrational" - especially whilst I talk to the dead guys (like Foucault, Nietzsche, Derrida, etc) in my head <:o)

Imam: He's a crazy man with the fear of Allah*
Crazy man: Man, He's everywhere!

*(fear of Allah has a positive connotation as it shows you are a good believer)
I think this one will never get old :O)


I like the Jewish jokes. And I like that they make these jokes by themselves. Well, the Jewish humor has a place in the literature. But it's true that non-Jews generally hesitate to come up with such jokes as there is that danger like being labeled as Antisemitic. I think it's only Southpark who can so carelessly tease with them. In fact, it is not only the Jews they mess with, but anything sensitive. Actually, they shows that racist and ignorant attitudes in a parody where the people are too sensitive with something they don't even have any idea about.

 "Y M C A"

This one is very similar to our high-school jokes. But believe me, having an argument, you would prefer a radical Islamist rather than one who is a committed metal music fun d: Well, such a joke could emerge only if these two types of prejudices come together.

 Adolf Hitler and the hipster paradox! 
There couldn't be better combination than this one to show how the idiocy functions.

"We would like to talk to you about the evolution..."

I don't know, this happens only in Germany, but some days the Jehovah's Witnesses, or the Catholics, or the Darwinist could ring your bell and try to convince you. I think they were the JW who tried me once in Dresden. I tried to get rid of that situation by saying I couldn't speak in German. But this was a bad idea as they could speak better in English. What they were doing with me was like trying to sell the meat to the vegetarian. Anyway, I told them I am from Turkey and, the worst, I am an atheist and I think, they were confused enough with these two details so that they suddenly gave up.

'Ironic sarcasm' at its best :o) But come on, whoever thought of it is so bloody minded and compared Jesus with Thor. How could you argue against that?

hell yeah :P

Ok, we know how to act if a religiously motivated group attacks  (we don't know why, but they may attack :P ). But what if atheists united and attacked? Wait, hasn't that already happened!?

That's a classic! A never-ending debate! So unnecessary for both party to try to dis/prove the God's existence! If I see two people disputing each other like that, it turns for me into one of those moments where I want sing that The Chemical Brothers song I mentioned before and to make the dance also.

This is the right point to be discussed: "truth" - who gives it to us, who determines what the truth is, or why and if we need it. It's a long and complicated philosophical discussion and I will not bring that on here as I'm writing this to escape from that debate I have been working on for days (of course Foucault and Habermas are here with me. We've just given a break, haven't we guys?)

Don't tell me you've never thought that before :P

by Yiğit Özgür
There is a word-play which I tried to translate. I hope (inshallah), I succeed that:

Man: My Hodja, we three family want to commit a sin together* in the next feast of sacrifice...
Imam: But didn't you say, you would slaughter a sheep..?
M: we've become atheists...
I: well, why three family then?
M: We beware of Allah...

 * There is a tradition in the feast of sacrifice. It's pretty much economic though. Two or more Muslim families buy a sheep, or a cow together to slaughter as they couldn't afford it alone. It's a idiom to say that we'll slaughter a sheep/cow together. In its direct translation, it is said more or less like that we'll unite and buy a sheep/cow to slaughter (birleşip koyuna/danaya gireceğiz). The same word "girmek" is used also for "to commit a sin" (günaha girmek). Damn, it's way too difficult to translate the wit there.

by Yiğit Özgür

Son of the Imam: Dad, someone named Dajjal* at the door is asking you
Imam: What kind of a dirty-joke is this now..?

*Dajjal corresponds to the character named Antichrist in Christian and Armilus in Jewish version of the story about the end of the world. (I think there is more sophisticated word for this, but I can't remember right now).

I don't like to finish without a song. When it comes to religion, I think NOFX is the best at teasing with it. They rather praises Jesus in a way while saying that He is not like you thought about him, he is a better Man. Please don't take the song as an insult to Him and to the Christianity. This is totally about how the religion works in the hands of the idiots of this world - just like any other religion and the belief system on the earth do.

 I like the comment made by the one who uploaded this video in youtube:
You know what'll be funny? If Jesus comes back, and he turns out to be black, bi-sexual, and not entirely fond of seeing crosses everywhere. Jesus may be coming back, but he's probably not who you think he'll be...
In my personal opinion, perhaps the best song ever written on the subject of Jesus Christ. Thank Fat Mike if you see him.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Umsonst und Langsam

Yesterday, I got an email from K. my old land-lady, the most delicate lady I've ever known. Actually, I'm not sure to call her land-lady because she is also the tenant of that apartment in Moabit. So, we rented it for a period of time, till she came back. She contacted us when she found our announcement in WG-Gesucht (a website for free apartments and rooms, and for those who are looking for them). I think, we took a shine to each other when we first visited her place. She's got a really good taste of music, books and movies. She gave her apartment to us, and I lived there for seven months, and my roomie has moved in my room, and is still living there with her.

some of her books and my favorite procrastination spot
She left her books, music archive and her plants to us to care of them. I was so happy as we would have a music player with two big speakers. After a long time of listening music from the laptop, it was a miraculous thing for us to be able to hear the 'hidden notes' in the songs we love. It's an old-style player with a manual uncomplicated equalizer system. It works well enough though. Her archive is so rich - from Pink Floyd to Morcheeba, Kruder und Dorfmeister, Radiohead, Nick Cave, Badly Drawn Boy, and many others some of which were new to me. After I moved out in Friedrichshain, she invited me for dinner. Radiohead's new album was newly released back then. She was partially disappointed by the album due to the predominantly use of electronic sounds which is what I most like about the album. "I'm an old-style lady my dear" she said. Then we had a long conversation about their smooth change they've made, especially with In Rainbows. I'm missing such conversations with her.

our music corner
Recently, I've been thinking that I left a life in Berlin, a life I made a lot of effort to build and then passed all those I made with my hands, all that I lived and experienced, from those I learned my lesson, and my stuff to someone else's hands. I can’t help wondering if the things I left there reminds the people, who use them now, of me. Maybe a song, a book, a scent, or just the times... I mean the things, beside their normal material functionality, which would drag these people into some nostalgic and maybe some romantic moments. For example, does the Chinese girl, whom I sold my bike to, remember my voice sometimes when she rides it without being aware of the fact that this bike would show her the times I had on it if it could have such a mechanism to record these moments? Or the same goes to my coffee machine, which was a part of my flesh and blood there, and to the person, whoever uses it now .

Some people criticize me a lot about these bonds I have with stuff because sometimes I can be like a hoarder and even keep old train tickets as souvenirs. I always think all such things have some kind of a history in themselves. In the same way, I am always curious about the coins I find on the grounds, the jewels and the books in the second-hand stores. I don't know, have you ever realized that the books borrowed from the libraries, or bought from the antique shops, or found in a hotel room, carry so many traces on them about the people who read them? It could be some notes on the pages, or a coffee fleck. I generally make up stories about them in my mind. In Dresden, on the wardrobe in my second room, I found two figures which are, I guess, the pieces of a chess set. I'm still keeping them and, oddly enough, I carry them with me where ever I travel to. I don't know, maybe I've got the feeling that some day in some place I will meet their real owner and get the chance to learn about the real story. Yeah, I know, it would be a 'good' American romantic comedy.

the banana tree
And, of course, it is a "he". It's a banana tree for f...s sake
although we've never seen him to bear any banana.
I don't like to lose my stuff (who does), or to leave them for good, especially if I'm not finished with them. That's why I was careful with the things of K. as she lent them to us and was not finished with them. Sometimes, I was over-careful so that, I think, I annoyed my mother during her visit whenever she touched something belonging to K. Ok, I have to admit that we, I and my roomie, were not so sensitive with the plants, they were almost dying under our custody. Well, I was nearly in tears because I thought the banana tree (we had a special connection between us) was dead. I blamed myself since I had talked to him so much (he never answered though), I thought "oh boy, I killed him with my darkness". I read something about this in a magazine that the plants could be effected by the negative modes of the people. Anyway, it was just my stupid pms state of mind. Its baby came out from the same root in the following week and I learned that this was a normal situation for the banana trees.

I have felt about Berlin the very same as about my lost/left stuff I had an emotional bonds with: I was not finished with her yet, and with the things I left there (especially with my skateboard). I'm really missing Berlin now, mostly my room and my balcony in Moabit. I had the ironic starts with the days there. The balcony sees the 'magnificent' edifice of the Moabit Courthouse (Kriminalgericht Moabit) and its prison, and  I was against this view smoking, drinking my coffee and reading Foucault. I'm missing to have this irony. The last time I went to Berlin, I stayed in that flat as a guest. But on the road from the airport to Moabit, I said, "I'm home". When I came into my old room, it smelled like home. It felt like that till the bad news came. It's funny though. In the last 4 months in Berlin, I was complaining about the boredom and the depression I fell into, and now I'm missing that slut.

But I also took some stuff with me from there. Like some music from K. She had a bunch of mixed CDs. My favorite one is named Umsonst & Langsam, just like our days in Turmstraße (but in a good sense). Whenever I listen to this compilation composed of 18 soft and calming tracks, I try to figure out how and what K. feels while listening to them, of what they remind her, or if she sings along. I created a playlist with the same name in grooveshark. If you’re interested :o)

2 songs missing in this playlist:
Good Days  -  FemBots*

*my favorite

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Catchy remark II

Today, my mouth was spitting curses on the hipsters having mushroomed in Istanbul. They are everywhere. Somebody should make them aware of the fact that they are too mainstream and trendy now, they can't be so hip anymore. I criticized my brother only two months ago because he was too mean about them, but I started to see he had a point indeed. I really wonder, what kind of a bloody mind let it happen that being a nerd is something paradoxically popular now.

Still, I enjoy the music called hipster's stuffs, which is also self-contradictory for me as they also, sooner or later, become mainstream stuffs. I stumbled upon a playlist full of such bands today in 8tracks. All of them are mainstream now. There is an irony even in the name of that list, For Being A Hipster.

Anyway, this song has caught me, and been keeping to play in my head. It is the ending song of House, S7E22. My brother would name it as another hip stuff. It's pretty famous though. (He names any indie stuff as "hipster shit"). Also, es ist nur noch ein anderer Ohrwurm für mich :o) So, as a rule, I need to share it.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Melodic Remarks IV - Electronic 'Stuffs' From TR

As I said before, I was searching for new stuff in, and I stumbled upon a two women band named Kim Ki O (it's a Turkish expression meaning “who the hell is s/he anyway”, and as they said, it's chosen due to the phonetic reasons). These ladies who are ex-high-school friends recorded their songs by themselves till 2010 when their first album Dans was released by a record company (Enfant Terrible) from Holland. Without including computers, they make 'old-style' electronic music in an experimental style with a simple mixer, drum machines and a bass guitar on the stage. Their songs sound more like ambient and dark to me, still I kinda enjoy listening to them. Like other groups making qualified music in Turkey, they are invited for tours in Europe, and will be on tour in 2011 with Moon Duo (from US) in Europe again (babylon, 2011: 73).

(Herkes Evine: Everybody, (Go) Home)

A second remarkable band with their electronic/punk sound is Post Dial. The band consists of two guys who are both from Izmir and living in Istanbul. Since 2007, they have been playing in several venues in Istanbul, and had gigs with Zoot Women and Archive. They have only two EPs up to now, but their works are really promising. I think, they will also join the ones who are working with European record companies soon. Their last EP, "You Are Not Alone", can be downloaded (free) from their website.

for the live performance visit this link 

But my favorite is of course Men With A Plan not only because it's one of my friend's trio :o) but also their album Batteries Not Included was the best one I've recently listened to. It was my second day in Ankara when I saw Erdinç (left), and although they are already in top ten in Britain now and receiving several offers from Berlin at the same time, he was absolutely too modest for such a record while he was talking about their works. He told me, their idol is James Holden and they've tried to do something in the same line to border community. I have to admit that I'm not an expert on this as I also learned the things about border community from a friend in Berlin (and thanks to him, I saw James Holden live in Watergate), but I can say that, especially with their German-Canadian electronic sound, they are talented enough to catch the chance of working with them. My only regret is that I missed their live performance in babylon but I know that they've received really good critics so far.

Men With A Plan - Our World by menwithaplan

Melodic Remarks III - Turkish Punk Rock/ Ska, or Name It However You Like

I don't listen punk rock as much as before, but still some days the little punk girl rises up and plays the old stuffs in her archive. When I was a teenager (see it's an old lady sentence), there was a couple of bands in Turkey, and they were mostly underground bands. I think, it was first Athena who released an album even though they played the edition of other famous ska-bands' songs with Turkish lyrics. I have never been a fan of them, but also never complained if I heard their songs in a bar. Very recently, I think 4 months ago, they released their new album, and they surprised me for they finally did something worth buying.

 (Arsız Gönül: Shameless Heart)
see the video clip (unfortunately not available in youtube)

Still my favorites are two underground groups with no albums. One is from Istanbul Cemiyette Pişiyorum (it's hard to translate, but roughly it means "I Am Cooked In The Community") and the other from Izmir l.e.s.s. The former always has complicated lyrics so it’s hard to get what they really mean and sounds maybe more like... I don't know... I cannot compare them with any band. Just listen by yourself, and if you have an idea let me know :o).

And the latter is easier to listen (definitely, I'm getting older) and has NOFX like lyrics – simple, clear and says a lot indeed without pushing the words to seem like wise guys who have figured out life by the hard way.

(Alkolik Kuşlar: Alcoholic Birds)

Now, there is a new underground band doing garage-punk/trash in Istanbul, The Raws. They totally sound like Dead Kennedys :o) These three guys with their masks also have a funny theme. Their last album Let's Have a Bondage Blues was released from Squoodge Records (an Austrian company) in Germany, and they’re generally on tours in Eastern Europe and Germany. I didn't know this before, but after a little search on the internet, I've read so that they had also gigs with Reverend Beat-Man (a famous underground group from Switzerland).

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Melodic Remarks II - Dengesiz Herifler

It was last year when I saw the video clip of a local so called 'punk rock' band from Ankara, Dengesiz Herifler (meaning Moody Guys) and I thought that they are pretty cool. I don't know why, maybe because I was abroad and whatever is new at home seemed to me cool :o) As the first thing after I came back, I visited their concert in one of the famous bars of Ankara, IF. Anyway, they totally screwed up on the stage as their only concern was to seem just so 'cool'. I don't really know whether the vocalist can't play guitar or he just didn't want to, but for me either of them means that he only screws with the audience who, he thinks, is not able to get what he was doing on the stage – which is nothing but stroking his hands on the strings for the hell of it. Thanks to the drummer and the bass player, and the real effort of the second guitarist, the songs sounded like something(!). I'm not even harsh on them, but someone has to be. It's totally infuriating especially if you know they could play better but just didn't bother to. People were having fun though. I saw the girls cheering crazy at the front of the stage where I with my girls were doing the same thing only three years ago. Just then, damn I realized, we are now really old for this. I don't mean for the music, or punk rock, as I would still like to enjoy the moment with Pennywise or NOFX. But I think we are really old for the bands who screw with their audience whom they think are buying this shitting on the stage anyway. After you face with this disenchanting moment, you simply lose your enthusiasm.

 (Hergün İçeceğim: I will Drink Everyday)

Melodic Remarks I

Finally, I'm home. But I have to admit that I have already missed Berlin. Ankara has changed a lot since I left. A couple of days ago, a friend from Germany asked how it feels like to be back in Ankara after living for so long in Berlin. I could only think about the people, those who had left and those who are gonna leave this city, those who are recruited in labour market :o) and those who are getting married. My generation is the new adults now. It's kinda annoying as the expectations from us is either that we should start to earn money by now or get married. Neither of them I'm doing :o) Still being dependent on my parents who have just got divorced (it's so funny, both of them over 60 years old), I'm trying to find a track for my future. What are my options? PhD, HR, journalism, maybe a book store I can open :P But the passion I've always had is still engulfed in music. I'm not talking about making it, but writing about it. It was also my original aim when I first started to write this blog; I would discover the music in Berlin, meet people dealing with it and write about the concerts I attended. But I've got the whole drama (I think, enough for the next 10 years of my life) when I was in Berlin. So, it turned into a “dear diary” theme :o)

Yes, so many thing have changed here while I was in Berlin, and the music is one of them. Some new local bands, new DJs, and new venues have emerged. It was just 2 weeks before I came home that I discovered some new bands from Turkey while I was surfing in (as usual) to see bands similar to 123. Only in one year, so many of them mushroomed in the Turkish music market. Some I knew already, in some there are people we know, and some are the brand new bands with their unique sounds. It's so exciting to see my generation grow up and finally create something worth listening. Suddenly, I forgot everything happening at that time in the world – neither the revolutions happening in the Middle East nor the earthquakes in Japan was my concern. The only thing I passionately wanted was to go back home and search for the history of this musical development in Turkey. I only knew superficially about this, generally from the family. But I knew, there is always a connection between the music in Turkey and the political conditions of the time.

A couple of days ago in a sunny afternoon :o), I went out from the apartment of my friends, and took a walk through Tunalı. I stopped by in D&R (a book and music store) to buy some magazines and to drink a cup of real coffee in Gloria Jean's (it's in the store). I saw babylon publishing a music magazine with the same name and with an incredibly cheap price. So, I bought it, and sat in the café. Someone had already did what I wanted to do, and made a research on the history of DJs in Turkey, starting from 1964 to now. Then I started to write about this. Pages followed the others, and it turned into a merge of my personal experiences and the conditions of the time. Then I realized it's kinda too long for the blog. So after a careful edit, I will publish it part by part here. For now I really wanna give an overview about what's new in Ankara and Istanbul.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

confessions of a loser

I had promised myself that this blog would never be like a S&C column or a space for depression. I already broke the latter promise when I lost one of my professors two weeks ago. raisonneuse wrote that the worst part with writing a thesis is that you are alone during the whole process and you are the only one who should face the pain of failure or the pain of waiting for the success. How funny to see all of us being little girls at the age of 26... None of us has succeeded to deal with the loneliness. I don’t mean a crude cheesy sense of loneliness. I mean the loneliness in hardcore sense. No one can help you take out your ideas and theories from your brain, organize them and fill the blank pages. No one can help you analyze the data you obtained despite all those difficulties you've overcome. No one can help you legitimize the theories that are not welcome by the conservative école. It is this wooden-headed école that makes you combine your data analysis with the methodological tool kits neither the validity nor the reliability of which makes any sense in fact. But if they are not deployed into the analysis, it's "not the social science but philosophy large open to sky". It is the conscience of yours you have to fight against and with. Your voice, your presence is needed to be legitimized for the sake of having a place in the academia. It is not a complaint written with frustration. It was something I was ready to face. I knew the challenges from the beginning and ventured to continue in this flow of academia, even undertook the risk of being alone.

But the writing process... it's the worst part. There is only you and the pages to be filled. You wake up every morning, crumble in the words during the whole day, and go to bed with them, and wake up with them again in the next day. You cut all your links off from the real world, and the world is made up of something flowing between your desk, the books and the imaginary space where there is no gravity, no ground and no sky but the concepts with their immanency in the touchable. There is no rain, no wind, no snow, no sun there. There is no time to be grasped. There is only the passion for the perfect, Leidenschaft to reach the ultimate love you would create by the means of the words.

I failed. I was so chasing after this Leidenschaft, I forgot the time. I couldn't manage the time I had as I lost the sense of it. And damn, I missed the deadline. Now I failed. I came back to the real world from the one I lost myself in and the latter melt into the former's cold chest. I thought it would be the end of the world. I thought, if I couldn't submit it and failed, I don’t know, the world or my head would explode, the time would stop, and the life would not continue anymore. It didn't happen so. The f... life is still going on as if nothing happened at all.

Which one is more embarrassing I don’t know... whether the fact that I failed or that I cried for three days long like little girl till I got sick. The loneliness... it's the worst part because you cannot expose the growing frustration inside you due to the failure. You cannot share it as you forgot the language to express it, and those who can understand the language you have are far away. You cannot share it because you know nobody would give any damn about it as much as you do. Especially, if you are in a foreign country alone... then, the language in which you can express yourself is literally not shared by the others. The loneliness... it is so incongruous with itself. It drags the one whom it trapped into the deep and deeper and deeper. It hurts but it gives a secure space where one wants nobody with her/himself there. It is both secure and embarrassing so it can't be shared. If it could be, it wouldn't be named as loneliness anyway :o) You have to deal with these ruins alone. You must pick up the pieces by yourself, do your damage control, and face the reality. The second chance... it's the procedure if one fails. Another five months to complete your work, which will have a place in the records.

There is no one to blame except myself. I think that's what is called 'growing-up'. To face the reality, to stand by it, to take the responsibility and move on. I have to live with it as I cannot get rid of myself :o) I needed this punch in to my face. There is somehow a recovery, but not everything can be recovered or undone - like the time I spent for nothing. It hurts for sure. It hurts more than 'love' (where there is always someone other you can blame besides you :o) it's practical though). I'm not 16, I'm 26. That means, "deal with it!".

I really wonder if Adorno ever failed.

Jamie Cullum - Twentysomething 

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Catchy remark

Sometimes a song catches you and you cannot get rid of its playing in your ears. Germans call that Ohrwurm (catchy tune). It's totally ridiculous, but the closing song of Lucky Luke has been playing in my head for hours. I think it's because I read too much about Muslim immigrants in Germany, or I have a hidden homesick that caught me by coming out from my childhood's Saturday morning TV-broadcasts. But why a cowboy theme? It could be very well a song from Sesame Street that I would enjoy more, for sure. A psychologist (a close friend of mines, faceka) told me once that I should listen the whole song to stop this or find another annoying tune. I discovered another way: sharing :o)

Lucky Luke - Poor Lonesome Cowboy   

Saturday, January 22, 2011

lullaby - Adorno olsa ne yapardı?

Arada "ya da sktret boş ver bırak" diyorum. Sonra da bırakırsam vicdan azabı beni bi ömür bırakmaz diyorum. Ama kalp krizi ya da kanser diyorum, içtiğim tütün yediğim zaman... İyi de boşa içtiğin tütünü ve boşa yediğin zamanı düşündükçe içeceğim tütün beni yine öldürür ki diyorum. Omurgam diyorum, söküp çıkartsam mı? Akıl denge kaybında, şasisi kaymış beynimle zaten nereye kadar giderim ki diyorum. Ya da sktret boş ver kalk gidelim diyorum Charlie, sen ne diyorsun? Bırak Hoca atsın voltasını, Foucault içsin şarabını baksın ordan ukala ukala "olmuyor olmuyor" diye bağırsın. Biz gidelim.

Ama sonra "o" geliyor gözümün önüne, ne kadar gurur duyardı diyorum, Habermas'ı Foucault'yu Almanca okumamla, hele Hölderlin'i ve Heidegger'i... "Tek yapman gereken okumak. Şarabını müziğini açıp okumak. Belki Radiohead..." demişti. In Rainbows da yeni çıkmıştı internette free download'daydı. Akşam bir şişe Yakut alıp yeni albüm eşliğinde Adorno okumaya başlamıştım. "Adorno'yu anlamak için, Adorno olmak için tek yapman gereken okumak. Sonra birgün bakacaksın ki anlamaya başlamışsın. Adorno da bıkmadan usanmadan okudu" demişti :o) Okuyorum hocam, artık anlıyorum da. Adorno olacak kadar olmasa da henüz, anlıyorum artık. Ama artık siz beni duyamazsınız. Yalnız kalınca böyle oluyormuş hocam, bir odada, öldüğünüze inanamadan, tek başına ağlayınca, bi yere haykırmak istiyormuş insan. Scarlett olamadım bu sefer, "I'll think about that tomorrow" işlemedi. Bir yandan tez yazıp bir yandan burun çekip ağlamak... "artık anlıyorum hocam" desem de burda sanal çöplükten öteye sesimin gidemeyeceğini bilmek, size ulaşamayacak olmak...
 "ben iyi değilim" diye uyarmış olsanız da ben hiç inanmadım ki...

Yetişirim sanmıştım, kuşanıp gelip, "benden birşey olacak galiba" demeye yetişirim sanmıştım. Kesin diyemezdim, yine karşısında küçük kız çocuğu gibi, hani aşıktır uzaktan yakınına gelince iki kelime birleşmez kafasında, öyle bir kız çocuğu olurdum yine. Der Begriff der Zeit demeye yine yetmezdi hayranlıktan tutulan dilim. Sahilden deniz kabuğu bulup getirir ya çocuklar, hani güzeldir renkleri, daha kitsch'leşmemiştir deniz kabuğu o yaştaki çocuk için. Bırakır önüne anne babanın "bak ben ne buldum" der. Koca sahilde eşelemiş bulmuştur onları. "Minicik halimle, kocaman sahilden, ben, tek başına buldum bunları" gururuyla bakar. Anne baba, yüksek merci o yaşta, der ya "ooo ne kadar güzel bunlar". Bilirler oysa ki en bayağı dekor malzemesidir deniz kabuğu, ama yine de beğenirler, gururunu okşarlar. Dev sahildeki minicik ellerini takdir ederler. Ben sahili kazıp daha güzellerini bulmaya çalışırken, bilemedim ki dönüp baktığımda bıraktığım yerde olamayacağını. Ben de "bak Berlin'de bunları buldum" demek için çalacaktım kapısını. Tezimi yazdım, Almanca'mı ilerlettim, Senato'da staj yaptım, ne konserler izledim... Müzik... Nord Sea Jazz Festivali'ni, Raster Noton'u anlatacaktım. National Gallery'i, Ramones müzesini...

Der Begriff der Zeit... ne kadar manidar şimdi değil mi? Şimdi... Gidemeyiz be Charlie. O kadar inanmıştı ki bana... "çok başarılı olacaksın, ben inanıyorum" demişti yolcu ederken. Koca kumsalda küçücük kalan ellerime inandı. Farkında bile değildi belki, zerafetine ve aklına hayranlığımın, aşkımın. Hiç inanmadım ki öleceğine. Bunca varoluştan ölümlülükten okurken hayatı, inanmadım ki zamanda olanların zamanın dışına düşebileceğine. Döndüğümde yine deri pantalonunu giymiş beşerinin koridorlarından birinde ağır çekimde süzülerek yürüdüğünü göreceğim, "ben geldim, ben oldum" diyeceğim diye hayal ettim. Bir Golden daha sarıyorum. Otur koy kafanı dizlerinin arasına Charlie, Hoca sen de voltaya devam. Foucault git yeni bi şarap aç "motor" demenle devam ediyoruz. Adorno da bırakmazdı, devam ederdi!

"Belki Radiohead..." hiç unutmadım hocam...