some remarks

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Ankara, Turkey
I'm just a sociologist astonished by the marvelous sense of humor of the universe! So, why not be a bad hat?

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

... because only God could have the best sense of humor

I can't remember where I found this from. But definitely not mine.

There is a man who is tweeting with the name of allahcc in Twitter. No, he doesn't have that complex or an issue like multiple personality disorder. He just make fun of the relationship between the God and His followers. That's the wit indeed: "being a follower". As elsewhere I also mentioned, he would be the best example for "what if God was one of us" - and had a twitter account. I think that's where the sense of humor comes from: to be able to imagine such "what if"s. Of course so many people take this dare of him as an insult to their belief and religion so that he could be killed if his real ID was exposed. But isn't that an insolent act enough to judge him by saying "how dare you and make fun of Allah". I mean, who the hell you are and dare to speak in the name of Allah? Even as an atheist I can think that it would be more ill-mannered act (speaking in the frame of Islam) to conceive God as if He is like a human-being with a fragile ego and without a sense of humor. Why and how would he take offense at such a way of humorous illustration where actually no one is a target of an assault.

I don't get why people get pissed off so much if someone teases with something related to their belief system, but, on the other hand, they laugh out loud if it is not about their religion or God. I mean, if you feel so offended in the first case, then you must be so much sensitive with other religions or atheists as well. When it comes to humor, nothing is untouchable and shouldn't be so either. I'm not saying that an assault and insult under the name of humor should be tolerated, and I believe, that shouldn't be called humor as well. To be specific, for example, after calling a Muslim 'terrorist', no one could get away form that by claiming that s/he was joking.

Thus, today, I posted some jokes about three monotheistic religion and atheism. Just try to imagine that "what if" part of the situation, then I'm sure you'll laugh. I'm sure God would also laugh :o) We are His children full of His humor after all.

by Yiğit Özgür

The first balloon: (the priest singing the beginning of the Muslim call for prayer)
The second balloon: "man, how has this caught me..."

This will definitely be my end if there is a heaven.

Now, that's the difficult one. It doesn't matter whether one is a Muslim or not, there are such relgious idioms used by everyone in Turkish language. This says "The secret of Turkish way of success" Before starting, it's said "inshallah"; while starting, "bismillah"; if surprised, "Allah Allah"; if confident enough, "evelallah"; if go-getter enough, "alimallah"; if tolerating, "eyvallah"; if stubborn enough, "ya Allah"; if guaranteeing something, "vallah billah"; if teased, or annoyed, "fesubhanallah"; if really pissed off, "hasbünallah";  if sick and tired of something, "illallah"; if starting the work with a great enthusiasm, "Allah Allah Allah"; if succeeding, "mashallah"; if not "hay Allah"; if being asked to try again "mazallah" (the latter means, no way). 

1. "Blind! Blasphemer! Profaned! Pander! Idiot! Bloody communist!"
2. "For God's sake! Don't you have any respect to religion?!"

That's what's happening now in Turkey. No body talks about the discriminative and assaulting attitudes against the atheists in this country. Even in the webpage of Diyanet (Religious Affairs), atheism is described as being against religion. I just don't believe in God(s) and religion(s). How could I be against those I don't believe in :P Ok, but seriously, being a non-believer does not mean being against the believers. I mean, one could be against them (I don't know how), but this does not make all atheist enemy of the religions. I mean, at least this is what my family has thought me. I have never been so arrogant and called those people believing in God "nuts", "schizophrenic", or "irrational" - especially whilst I talk to the dead guys (like Foucault, Nietzsche, Derrida, etc) in my head <:o)

Imam: He's a crazy man with the fear of Allah*
Crazy man: Man, He's everywhere!

*(fear of Allah has a positive connotation as it shows you are a good believer)
I think this one will never get old :O)


I like the Jewish jokes. And I like that they make these jokes by themselves. Well, the Jewish humor has a place in the literature. But it's true that non-Jews generally hesitate to come up with such jokes as there is that danger like being labeled as Antisemitic. I think it's only Southpark who can so carelessly tease with them. In fact, it is not only the Jews they mess with, but anything sensitive. Actually, they shows that racist and ignorant attitudes in a parody where the people are too sensitive with something they don't even have any idea about.

 "Y M C A"

This one is very similar to our high-school jokes. But believe me, having an argument, you would prefer a radical Islamist rather than one who is a committed metal music fun d: Well, such a joke could emerge only if these two types of prejudices come together.

 Adolf Hitler and the hipster paradox! 
There couldn't be better combination than this one to show how the idiocy functions.

"We would like to talk to you about the evolution..."

I don't know, this happens only in Germany, but some days the Jehovah's Witnesses, or the Catholics, or the Darwinist could ring your bell and try to convince you. I think they were the JW who tried me once in Dresden. I tried to get rid of that situation by saying I couldn't speak in German. But this was a bad idea as they could speak better in English. What they were doing with me was like trying to sell the meat to the vegetarian. Anyway, I told them I am from Turkey and, the worst, I am an atheist and I think, they were confused enough with these two details so that they suddenly gave up.

'Ironic sarcasm' at its best :o) But come on, whoever thought of it is so bloody minded and compared Jesus with Thor. How could you argue against that?

hell yeah :P

Ok, we know how to act if a religiously motivated group attacks  (we don't know why, but they may attack :P ). But what if atheists united and attacked? Wait, hasn't that already happened!?

That's a classic! A never-ending debate! So unnecessary for both party to try to dis/prove the God's existence! If I see two people disputing each other like that, it turns for me into one of those moments where I want sing that The Chemical Brothers song I mentioned before and to make the dance also.

This is the right point to be discussed: "truth" - who gives it to us, who determines what the truth is, or why and if we need it. It's a long and complicated philosophical discussion and I will not bring that on here as I'm writing this to escape from that debate I have been working on for days (of course Foucault and Habermas are here with me. We've just given a break, haven't we guys?)

Don't tell me you've never thought that before :P

by Yiğit Özgür
There is a word-play which I tried to translate. I hope (inshallah), I succeed that:

Man: My Hodja, we three family want to commit a sin together* in the next feast of sacrifice...
Imam: But didn't you say, you would slaughter a sheep..?
M: we've become atheists...
I: well, why three family then?
M: We beware of Allah...

 * There is a tradition in the feast of sacrifice. It's pretty much economic though. Two or more Muslim families buy a sheep, or a cow together to slaughter as they couldn't afford it alone. It's a idiom to say that we'll slaughter a sheep/cow together. In its direct translation, it is said more or less like that we'll unite and buy a sheep/cow to slaughter (birleşip koyuna/danaya gireceğiz). The same word "girmek" is used also for "to commit a sin" (günaha girmek). Damn, it's way too difficult to translate the wit there.

by Yiğit Özgür

Son of the Imam: Dad, someone named Dajjal* at the door is asking you
Imam: What kind of a dirty-joke is this now..?

*Dajjal corresponds to the character named Antichrist in Christian and Armilus in Jewish version of the story about the end of the world. (I think there is more sophisticated word for this, but I can't remember right now).

I don't like to finish without a song. When it comes to religion, I think NOFX is the best at teasing with it. They rather praises Jesus in a way while saying that He is not like you thought about him, he is a better Man. Please don't take the song as an insult to Him and to the Christianity. This is totally about how the religion works in the hands of the idiots of this world - just like any other religion and the belief system on the earth do.

 I like the comment made by the one who uploaded this video in youtube:
You know what'll be funny? If Jesus comes back, and he turns out to be black, bi-sexual, and not entirely fond of seeing crosses everywhere. Jesus may be coming back, but he's probably not who you think he'll be...
In my personal opinion, perhaps the best song ever written on the subject of Jesus Christ. Thank Fat Mike if you see him.


  1. This is just fun. Nomadic people worshipping theire local deity and the explorers (?) are worshipping the cross. The churches pay no taxes: anywhere and anytime and the roots of christianity is almost vanquished.
    The islam-heavy metal should be islam-black metal, cause they look more similiar [I listen heavy and black metal]
    Jehovan witnesses [I think I spelled it right] are common in Estonia too, although they appear once a year.
    I'm a left-wing radical [Without a doubt... atheist]

  2. Almost forgot this joke:
    A russian goes to a jew, to loan 100 roubles with a guarantee [give an axe].
    The jew gives the man his 100 roubles and the russian gave the jew his axe.
    Then the jew asks the russian, to give him half of the loan, he had given to the russian.
    The russian gives the money to the jew.
    On his way home, the russian thinks:"I wanted to loan 100 roubles, but now I don't have my money and my axe"
    If you didn't understand this: The russian gave his loan right away back, with the axe.
    Oh and usually when you take a loan, you pay back 2x the original loan sum.
    I'm russian heritaged myself. :D

  3. Thank you for this nice collection.